Butterfly's

Tuesday afternoon I felt a little tired and a lot cranky, that's somewhat normal these days. But I did notice a faint odd feeling in my tummy. By last night I realized what it was. PtB's moving and I'm starting to feel it.

An odd butterfly like feeling below my belly button is the focus of my day today. It keeps coming then going them coming again. No order or reason he or she just seems to want to move or kick just right that mommy can feel it now.

Guilt factor

Most people who know me know that I have a large group of friends online. I've met a few of them, I talk to most of them at least once a week. Most I've gained a lot of support and help from over the past few years. I've been on one message board for over 4 years now and I've grown close to more than one women I've met there.

Three weeks before I found out I was going to have Peanut a friend found out she was having a baby. We were so excited to go through this together as first time mom's. It was nice to have someone I could go through this with.

A few weeks later she found out her baby, twins actually, were gone. It was a terriable blow to so many of us. I didn't know what to do or say because here I was plugging along and she was dealing with this pain.

I still feel so guilty when I reach milestones because I know that she's still mourning her lost babies. Each one I reach I know it's one she won't have.

My neice might not like this.

My doctor called me today to let me know the U/S looked great and that she's moved my EDD up to 3/2/08. I'd suspected I was further along than she had thought because I know my body and cycles. The problem for me was always that my LP was too short. Well hell the whole cycle was. I was Oing somewhere between CD 5 and 9 when most women ovulate between CD 10 and 14. Then my LP was only 10 to 11 days long. I always suspected that the trick to me getting pregnant was getting me to ovulate earlier to get my LP that extra few days.

And frankly, given what I know about my personal life I was sure of it ;)

My youngest niece might start biting her nails now in the hopes that her new cousin won't come on her birthday on the 1st.

Tiny yet trouble

The baby is perfect. Two arms, two legs, spin, ribs and a bladder. It's so tiny yet with a beating heart. The tech was wonderful. But I did vomit up all the water I was supposed to drink before I left the house.

Already a snot

You'd think with a limited amount of space to move in PtB would be easy to find. He's not. Well we did find him we know that because we'd here a loud "WHAP!" then nothing as he kicked the Doppler microphone and moved away. I have to say it's the most amazing thing I've heard in my life, though I know more is coming. There really is a baby in there.

So on Thursday we'll go back to the office, after I drink 32 oz of water, to see PtB for the first time. We know he's alive and kicking but we need to see his little self so the doctor knows everything is as it should be. He can get as squirmy as he wants then the ultrasound will leave him no place to hide.

It's finally been said.

As odd as it may sound I've often yearned to say words like "This kid is using my kidney as a punching bag." or "If this kid doesn't get off my rib cage I may scream." So it was a rather exciting moment when I uttered "This kid is sitting on my bladder." the other day.

I've been promised by mommies and websites that the second trimester would bring a slow down to the peeing marathon, though I should expect to have it increase ten fold in the third trimester. Though so far I've found that PtB is happy in the lower part of my womb right on my bladder. This of course doesn't help the gagging at all. Even though baby is down in my pelvic bone area yet, the bump that is now home to my baby is still ramming up into my stomach if I bend the wrong way. I sat on my kitchen floor and gagged for a good 10 minutes one after noon because I'd dared to unload the dishwasher.

One one hand I want to relish each and ever moment my baby is inside me. The one thing I was never able to come to terms with while dealing with infertility was that I would never feel life in me. It brought me to my knees. On the other hand though I still want the next big thing. Right now it's to feel the baby moving finally. I'm far off from that yet, around 5 ish weeks give or take how strong PtB is.

Last week I was weepy most days. The realization that I was having a baby was almost too much for me to consider. This week I'm tired again. I wonder what next week will bring. Maybe gas.

On day I bend, the next day I don't.

Well to be honest I do still bend. Just not as well. And not without my guts ramming up into my lungs. Soon I won't be able to lay on my stomach or back and still breath. I'm also starting to get the hard bump that women who are expecting get.

On the other hand I'm snappier than ever and I'm not sure why. Little stuff gets on my nerves worse than I ever thought it would. Like chewing. I hate hearing people chew. It makes me crazy. And noise. I hate hearing people wander around and make noise.