I have morphed into a melon with legs. I went shopping for some groceries yesterday and as I walked through the store I wanted to sit down and take a nap right around the drinks section. I waddle and I push the pumpkin out before me like a cow catcher. It's rather amusing really. I was comparing some photos from 2 weeks ago to ones I took tonight and you can see how much larger I've grown. I'm starting to dread getting my weight done next month.
Christmas takes a lot more energy than one would think. That is until you have little energy to start with. I slept 12 hours once I had the chance and that still wasn't enough. I've lived with a chronic illness so I figured I already knew how to deal with the life of constant fatigue but man was I ever in for a surprise! This is so oddly different. Perhaps it's because I know at the end of the tunnel isn't more sleep. Just 2 am feedings. Then that doesn't bug me so much.
Speaking of fatigue I'm going to crawl into my bed with the new flannel sheets and crash and burn for a few days. Hope to see you all in the New Year!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I'm not good at the mushy stuff
Oh I love the mushy stuff. I get weepy at all the right movies, I cry at books and I sniffle over weddings. I well up at baby commercials too. I just can't write the mushy stuff. I can't get out the feelings of overwhelming joy or awe I go through almost every day. I read my friends blogs that are full of these wonderfuly introspective words about all the things new mommy hood brings them. Me I just whine because my nose runs 24/7.
It hit me today that I can honestly say that I'm having a baby next month. December is almost over and in just a few short weeks I reach full term. It was like a ton of bricks got dumped on me. There is next to nothing done. Our friends have still not dropped off the stroller, we have no crib and hardly any cute tiny clothes. Hell I have to un earth my suitcase and figure out what is going to the hospital with me yet.
Then I wonder what I'm going to say to my son when I see him face to face for the first time. I do talk to him now, though not that often. It's been hard to say things to him because I don't know him yet. And the first time I tell him I love him and how much my heart hurt when I thought he'd never come along I want to look him in the eyes.
I also feel so deeply for my friends who are still struggling through the painful field of infertility. I know their pain so deeply and I also know that as happy as you are to see one of us graduate your still say "Why her and not me?" You wish your friends well and love them with all your heart but it's still deeply painful. I want this for them almost more than I want it for myself.
Tonight he dances in my belly and sets my shirt bouncing and I'm enjoying the smell of the cheesecake in the oven for Christmas Day dinner and watching the fire in the fireplace and I know next year he will be here with us.
It hit me today that I can honestly say that I'm having a baby next month. December is almost over and in just a few short weeks I reach full term. It was like a ton of bricks got dumped on me. There is next to nothing done. Our friends have still not dropped off the stroller, we have no crib and hardly any cute tiny clothes. Hell I have to un earth my suitcase and figure out what is going to the hospital with me yet.
Then I wonder what I'm going to say to my son when I see him face to face for the first time. I do talk to him now, though not that often. It's been hard to say things to him because I don't know him yet. And the first time I tell him I love him and how much my heart hurt when I thought he'd never come along I want to look him in the eyes.
I also feel so deeply for my friends who are still struggling through the painful field of infertility. I know their pain so deeply and I also know that as happy as you are to see one of us graduate your still say "Why her and not me?" You wish your friends well and love them with all your heart but it's still deeply painful. I want this for them almost more than I want it for myself.
Tonight he dances in my belly and sets my shirt bouncing and I'm enjoying the smell of the cheesecake in the oven for Christmas Day dinner and watching the fire in the fireplace and I know next year he will be here with us.
Friday, December 14, 2007
T minus 10 and counting
Today was my second to last monthly appointment. After my next appointment I begin the bi weekly ones. This is scary because it signals that this is it, we are at the end of the up hill battle. Any moment now he could decide he wants to come see the world and his mommy and daddy. It's scary as hell.
You can see my shirt jumping around when he's in a fighting mood now and I feel him through out the day without having to strain to do so. I've even been treated to having a tiny foot stuck in my ribs. That was fun doing 70 on the freeway.
My doctor tells me that my blood pressure is great, that I've passed that hellgate of the gestational diabetes test and that my weight gain is below what she felt was the safe high for me. So over all he's doing well in his mommy and I'm doing a pretty good job taking care of him and protecting him.
You can see my shirt jumping around when he's in a fighting mood now and I feel him through out the day without having to strain to do so. I've even been treated to having a tiny foot stuck in my ribs. That was fun doing 70 on the freeway.
My doctor tells me that my blood pressure is great, that I've passed that hellgate of the gestational diabetes test and that my weight gain is below what she felt was the safe high for me. So over all he's doing well in his mommy and I'm doing a pretty good job taking care of him and protecting him.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
To touch or not to touch.
Peanut's daddy and I attended his family's company Christmas party last evening. Let me start off by saying that it's still relatively small in size, many of those in attendance worked for Mr. Daddy's grandfather and two had worked for his great grandfather. Current employee's as well as retired old guard are all there as well as family. Also this party comes with an open bar and no inhibitions.
In years past I would get toasty with the sales guys, dance with the wives and office girls and come home with sore feet and a smile on my face. This year I was not sad I couldn't drink with the guys or dance all night long but there was a twinge of regret for being more of an observer than anything else this year. Of course this was made easier by the fact my normal drinking buddy had actually moved on to another company. To my surprise he saw me before I saw him. The first words out of his mouth were "Lemme get you a drink!"
So grinning from ear to ear I told him this year was not able to and that a consolation was he was actually not attending and then I told him why I couldn't drink. He was thrilled and then in a pattern that repeated through the night his hand went to my belly, then stopped short and hung there in a question mark. Laughing I told him it was ok to touch.
It was funny watching these guys, most of them my father age, all repeat the same dance. Their instinct was to touch yet at that last second they also realized there may be a personal space issue if they should. I told each laughingly that they could go ahead and touch.
These guys are family and my son is the second in line to the 5th generation who will eventually walk in the doors of a company my husbands great grandfather started. It was a continuance of life last evening that was striking as I watched my husbands youngest cousin's 4 year old dance her heart out. There out on the dance floor was the next generation, the one behind ours. My son will join her soon and Mr Daddy's other cousins twins (grats again guys!) won't be far behind.
The former employee, by the way, was there because the company he now works for sells to his former company and in a tradition that goes 25 years back sales people and other companies that work closely with the business are invited to join each year. So he, of course, pulled rank and attended with his sales guy. As we left I told him we'd be there next year and I'd be sans kid and I expected him to help make up for this year.
In years past I would get toasty with the sales guys, dance with the wives and office girls and come home with sore feet and a smile on my face. This year I was not sad I couldn't drink with the guys or dance all night long but there was a twinge of regret for being more of an observer than anything else this year. Of course this was made easier by the fact my normal drinking buddy had actually moved on to another company. To my surprise he saw me before I saw him. The first words out of his mouth were "Lemme get you a drink!"
So grinning from ear to ear I told him this year was not able to and that a consolation was he was actually not attending and then I told him why I couldn't drink. He was thrilled and then in a pattern that repeated through the night his hand went to my belly, then stopped short and hung there in a question mark. Laughing I told him it was ok to touch.
It was funny watching these guys, most of them my father age, all repeat the same dance. Their instinct was to touch yet at that last second they also realized there may be a personal space issue if they should. I told each laughingly that they could go ahead and touch.
These guys are family and my son is the second in line to the 5th generation who will eventually walk in the doors of a company my husbands great grandfather started. It was a continuance of life last evening that was striking as I watched my husbands youngest cousin's 4 year old dance her heart out. There out on the dance floor was the next generation, the one behind ours. My son will join her soon and Mr Daddy's other cousins twins (grats again guys!) won't be far behind.
The former employee, by the way, was there because the company he now works for sells to his former company and in a tradition that goes 25 years back sales people and other companies that work closely with the business are invited to join each year. So he, of course, pulled rank and attended with his sales guy. As we left I told him we'd be there next year and I'd be sans kid and I expected him to help make up for this year.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Advent
It's been a while. Not because nothing is going on but because I've just never been good at updating these things.
Baby Boy is flipping, rolling, punching and kicking to his hearts delight. You can see him and feel him from the outside now. Every day I grow bigger and not just my stomach. My butt and thighs are expanding too, as if they needed any help.
Third trimester has begun. It's a scary thought to be this far along now. It's far more real to me.
Baby Boy is flipping, rolling, punching and kicking to his hearts delight. You can see him and feel him from the outside now. Every day I grow bigger and not just my stomach. My butt and thighs are expanding too, as if they needed any help.
Third trimester has begun. It's a scary thought to be this far along now. It's far more real to me.
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